What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

If you have read my blog recently then you know that I went home last weekend. As I always do when I get home (or at Tina's, where I often stay), I look around the house. I look in the living room for new pictures that might be place around, I check out the fridge and pantry to see what goodies might be hiding there and I check out Tyler's room because each time it looks more and more like a "big kids room" and not that of the small boy I remember.

But during this most recent visit, it wasn't the food in the fridge or any new pictures on the walls that caught my attention. It was a drawing Tyler had recently created of his family. It was propped up in my sisters bedroom next to the door. It wasn't the bright colors that caught my eye or the fact that he colored his dog brown when in fact, she is white. The first thing that caught my attention was the fact that his drawing included two people; he and his mom standing side by side. But, the thing that truly made me stop and ponder the picture was the stature and strength portrayed in the picture. Yes it was a mother and son standing side by side as you would expect. But at first glance you might assume you were looking at two super-heros; broad shouldered, deep colors, and stance that showed strength and durability...and in my mind, knowing what they've been through over the past couple years- RESLIENCE.

Resilience is defined in Websters Dictionary as an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. These two have done just that in the past 8 months or so and they haven't done it separately; but rather together. Though my sister has a slim, frail build she's the strength of a thousand horses and her son sees that. He drew that in that picture. And as most kids, he models after that which is shown to him and therefore; he too, has the same strength, confidence, and reslience of his mom.

There are times when I look at Tyler (and his mom) and get tear-filled eyes. Not out of sadness for the losses they have had, but for pride for the strength and character they have shown.

Things You Never Knew You Never Knew

10 Things You Never Knew You Never Knew About Traci:


10) I trim my arm hairs --- not my pits, I shave those.

9) I shower every morning and every night - I try not to when at other’s home, just out of respect for their water bill. But it wakes me in the morning and calms me before bed.

8) I don’t like polka dots --- not on clothes, not on curtains, no where….. They make me dizzy.

7) I long to go to New Zealand; that is the one place my Uncle Scorch always wanted to go but never got the chance. I’ll go there for both of us some day.

6) I cheated my way through 5th grade math (probably why I hate balancing the checkbook today).

5) I have a dis-formed fingernail on my right thumb; I often try to hide it.

4) I got a tattoo (sober); my friend’s wouldn’t even allow one Corona before the needle stuck and I’m deadly afraid of needles. Well, maybe not deadly but they have a history of making me pass out.

3) I fought a boy in the 7th grade….and won. (Later that day he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said “yes”.)

2) I once fell off the back of a fire truck, got a concussion and played in a volleyball tournament that very day. (We won, we beat Maroa… and Deb Pope!)

1) I love my friends and family dearly and love that I had to think hard to think of something you didn’t already know about me. Oh, but wait, you already knew that too….didn’t you?

Boys Will Be Boyz

Kids grow up so fast. I went home this weekend for my nephew's 8th birthday. EIGHT, can you believe that?? I sure can't. Not only do they grow up but they grow out and grow in, too:

• They grow out of hugs and kisses (when I went to give him a big hug and kiss, he looked at me and said "Don't, just do this" and proceeded to give me a high-five.) Are you kidding me??? I wanted a hug from the little dude, but you can't force these things.

• They grown into instilling fear into others (My sister and Tyler had been away for a short trip and I wasn't expecting them to return until Saturday morning. To my surprise they returned early -- only it wasn't early --- it was near 11pm at night and I was asleep in bed. Tyler got a thrill out of scary the heeby-jeebies out of me. I nearly pee'd my pants. (I didn't tell him that).

• They grow out of cuddling on the couch to watch cartoons Only thing he wanted to cuddle with was the controller to the x-box.

• They grow out of the excitement of a far away relative paying a visit and prefer sleep-overs with friends they see week in and week out. (Trace didn't rank #1 this visit). :(

• They grow out of their awkwardness and find their body control This nephew of mine is gonna be one heck of a basketball player. (His aunts and uncle bought him a basketball hoop and what a great investment this was)! Tina, we get dibs on any sideline tickets at the NBA playoffs.

• They grow more and more loved with each passing day Though I was a little taken aback by how much Tyler's grown and just how different he is and how that affected my time spent with him. I was pleased. I was pleased because this little guy has gone through more in his first 8 years of life than what most of us only dare to imagine. I was encouraged because though life has dealt him situations that have forced him to grow beyond his years; he's still just an 8 year old boy. A boy who is loved with all the love a person has to offer.

And so even though, my visits from here on out will consist of slimy worms, fishing trips, basketball games, and boy sleep-overs --- I'll take it. Because he's right where he is supposed to be; in a loving home, surrounded by people that love and care for him, and has all the support and love a person could ever want found right within his family and friends. Pretty luck 8 year old, wouldn't you say??

Confessions Of A College Grad

Wow this is gonna be tough since everyone that reads this knows me so well!

Hmmmmm.... 10 Things You Never Knew You Didn't Know about Traci:

• 1- I don't like wearing the colors black and navy blue together.
• 2- I am scared of clowns.
• 3- I iron the t-shirts I wear to the gym to workout.
• 4- I nearly always drive over the speed-limit (do I have any police officer friends reading this?)
• 5- I once broke into someone's home and stole their Christmas tree (leaving all their decorations behind). (Theft)
• 6- I once got written up for vandalism. (Vandalism)
• 7- I once climbed a city water tower. (Trespassing)
• 8- I once ran from the police (in high school). (Evading police)
• 9 - I once got stopped by the police for speeding....three times in one month.... TWO DAYS IN A ROW. (see #4).
• 10- I skinny-dipped in a kiddie pool. (Indecent exposure).

Not only am I awful at this game, but I created a new game. How many misdemeanor laws can one person break and not get caught?

Next question... how many of you were with me when I did these things? Not mentioning any names..... uhh -hmmmm????

Happy Saturday

HAPPY SATURDAY, FRIENDS!

Not much to say today, but it's been a week or so since my last post so I thought I'd check in and update you on any happenings in my life. (Of which there are few).



Here's the top three most asked questions lately (from those reading my blog):



1.) How are you sleeping?

2.) How are you feeling?

3.) Is that family still with you?



And here are the answers:



1.) I'm sleeping better lately. The medicine (Lyrica) the doctor put me on seems to be helping with my pain and discomfort at night. I've only been on the full dose for a few days, so it's probably too early to tell it this is gonna work but so far I have a good feeling about it all. I go to see the Rheumotologist (sp?) on September 12th.



2.) As stated above, I'm feeling pretty good. Minus the pulled tricep I got the other night when attempting to take a total body workout class. I started off with a little too much weight and about thirty minutes into the class was lucky to have not dropped the weights on my head.



3.) And lastly, yes - yes the family is still living with me. BUT, it gets better .... now its a family of five! Yes, that's right FIVE! The kids are all in school now, but as you can imagine 6, 9, and 15 year old children have a lot of energy and coming home to rest at night is a thing of the past. The mother and I had a talk lastnight in which I told her that I was "ready for change". I explained that I've reached the point where I feel as though its starting to drag on and I'm ready for the light at the end of the tunnel. She assured me they have a plan to be in a place of their own or renting by Sept 14th. Again, I'm bending --- but, it's not like their bad people and it's been horrible. That is not the case. It's nothing more and nothing less than I want my space and my privacy back. It's coming.



Well, that is basically the up-to-date news for me. I'm headed home next weekend to spend some time with my family for Tyler's birthday. Can you believe he is going to be 8!!!??? I can't believe it. Seems like yesterday I was dancing around the living room with him in my arms or teaching him how to ride a bike with no training wheels. He's doing great. He's into all sorts of sports (which, of course, makes me very excited) most recent sport of choice --- swimming. He recently told my sister that when he grows up he plans to be a diver. Apparently the diver's that found his dad last December made an impression on him and now he states he wants to do the same. Sure, our goals and aspirations change here and there as kids, but for now I thought it was very telling as to how the little man is doing.

Well that is pretty much it for me. I hope you all have a great Saturday and weekend and I'll touch base soon!

An answer please....

Okay, so in my previous blog I was complaining about lack of sleep, right? Well, I've finally had enough because it wasn't just the lack of sleep that was getting to me. It was a list of other symptoms I've had over the course of the past several years, all of which I've been treated for individually. I finally broke down on Wednesday and called that doctor (who by the way is EXCELLENT) and scheduled an appointment for yesterday.



I have a great relationship with my doctor and unlike most doctors, I am able to talk with him as I would talk to any of my family and friends to express my concerns and frustrations. So, as soon as he enters he says, "What's going on?" With tears in my eyes and in almost dramatic fashion I laid my head on the counter next to me and said, "I'm just tired of being tired from the headaches and muscle tension." We spoke for about 25 minutes, describing how I feel, "sleepless nights, constant headache (not always migraines, but constant), muscle spasms, achy feelings in my back, neck, shoulders, and legs" I described it as a "constant whiplash feeling that keeps me awake and tense when I'm trying to relax."



Of course, as I often do, I had began researching on my own what I thought it could be ... he asked me and I told him, "Fibromyalgia" He concurred but stated he wanted to send me to a Rheumatologist to rule out a few things and we'd go from there. He assured me this visit wasn't in vain and stated there were medications that could possibly provide me with increased sleep and decrease muscle tension as well as releive me from the many other symptoms I've had. And so I wait. I'm NOT diagnosed yet but will see the specialist and he'll says for sure.



All this to say, I feel there is hope and will keep you updated as to what I find out. I'm actually praying for a diagnosis to offer justification to how I've been feeling and direction for treatment.

I want to quit feeling like a hypocondriac and have someone put a "name" on all these symptoms. Please pray that it is as we suspect so that it can be treated and I can do from there.