This blog thing...

Hey, it's me again. I was just reading my friends' blog enteries... impressive. I, however, have been a complete slacker and to be honest am contemplating calling off my relationship with the blog. I knew there were going to be issues from the start, but I gave into peer pressure and joined the bloggers of the world.
Here's the deal... I LOVE to write. In fact, at times, I think it is what I do best... but there is a catch. I also consider it completely private and seldom share anything I write with anyone. So herein lies the problem... this blogging thing calls me to not only write but to share what I write and I don't like doing that. Therefore I spend half the time writing and the other half making sure I don't "get too honest". Some say the "eyes are the doorway to one's soul"... mine is writing and I don't want anyone that close to my soul without me escorting them there. So with that said, this is likely to be my last blog. Perhaps an occassional update as you've read thus far, but don't expect much more than that. ok?

inner circles

Well, this is a bit over due, isn't it? It's another late night/early morning of work here at the HOST program. I made a good purchase though and got me a portable DVD player to occupy some of my time here til morning. What on earth did we do before all this technology? I mean as though blogging, checking email, and surfing the net were not enough I have to go and buy a dvd player? Seem crazy, doesn't it?

As I prepare to write this I realize something... my life doesn't change much day to day. It's pretty much work, hanging out with friends and frequent drives by the new home. (Which by the way, looks really good.) I've been busy visualizing the new place what I'm going to do with it; colors, decor, all that fun stuff. Trivial, I know, but fun nonetheless. I drive by it and am reminded just how blessed I am. But, I'll tell you a secret --- I don't always feel that way. In fact, I'm embarrassed to say it but would you believe I actually said the phrase "sometimes I think God has forgotten about me." ? Can you believe that I would say that?! It took me less than a whole day to totally scold myself for such a thought, but to actually say those words to someone. WOW, that took some nerve on my part! Fortunately, my friends with whom I shared that thought know me well enough to know I didn't really mean it.

Basically I had been in a "funk". And it wasn't so much that I thought God forgot about me as it was that I just wasn't thinking about Him. Funny how we reverse that around a bit, huh? I'm not gonna lie I'm still not where I want to be (spiritually) right now... but I'll get there. I went to Louisville last weekend (that always seems to help), because some of my "inner circle" friends are there and sometimes I just need to be near those people. I love my "inner circle friends" but the hard part is that my "inner circle" seems to be so very distant right now. Costa Rica, St. Louis, Louisville, California... that is quite a circle. I'm feeling somewhat convicted that I need to reign in the circle a bit. Don't get me wrong, there are people that will forever me my "go to gals"... but during times like I have had recently I am recognizing that I just need some close friends to be just that --- close. I've been blessed with a great neighbor ... she and her husband are both dynamic, God fearing, solid people. And she kicks my butt when I start having pity parties. Everyone needs a friend like that --- I have more than enough, anyone want to share?! (Just kidding, I'm keeping them all!) My point... I have great people in my life I just need to invest more in those relationships that are here in Nashville and quit running out of town everytime I need a boost of care and concern from friends. I can have that here if I would just allow a few more people into my circle. Yeah, I'm preaching to myself. :) But for those of you reading this that are out of town --- don't think for a second this means you're being tossed from the inner circle; you know that is not the case.

Don't be disappointed, but I'm not so much in the writing mood tonight. But, I still have another 6 hours here so that might change in a bit. I'll be in touch....